Jewels Down Below

On a warm summer day

2006-08-05T12:30:00.000-07:00

Just stopped in to blow kisses to everyone!
-xoxo
Jasmine

Just chillin' out!

2006-04-13T16:58:00.000-07:00

Just chillin' out!
I hope all of you are doing all right. I am sorry for my lack of posts, but I have been really busy.
I love you all....

-xoxo
Jasmine

In other words!

2006-04-02T13:06:00.000-07:00

Dictionary for Decoding Women's Personal Ads

40-ish..........................................49
Adventurous.................................Slept with everyone.
Athletic.......................................No breasts
Average looking............................Mooooooo.
Beautiful.....................................Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure........................On medication.
Feminist.......................................Fat.
Free Spirit....................................Junkie.
Friendship first...............................Former Sl*t.
New-Age.......................................Body hair in wrong places.
Old-fashioned................................No BJ's.
Open-minded.................................Desperate.
Outgoing.......................................Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional..................................B*tch.
Voluptuous....................................Very Fat.
Large frame...................................Hugely Fat.
Wants Soul mate...........................Stalker.

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let’s have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? I'd like to have sex with you.

So, What would you say?

2006-03-26T04:06:00.000-08:00

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question.You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?

Let's find out just how clever you really are....
Ready?
GO!!!
***First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person.
What position are you in?
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Answer:
If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong!
If you overtake the second personand you take his place, you are second!

Try not to screw up next time.

Now answer the second question, but don't take as much time as you took for the first question, OK ?

***Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
(scroll down)
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Answer:
If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again.
Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?

You're not very good at this, are you?

***Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic!
Note: This must be done in your head only.
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it...

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?
(Scroll down for answer.....)
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Answer:
Did you get 5000?
The correct answer is actually 4100.

If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it?

Maybe you'll get the last question right.......Maybe.

***Fourth Question:
Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana 2. Nene 3. Nini 4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth daughter?
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Answer:
Did you Answer Nunu?
NO!
Of course it isn't. Her name is Mary. Read the question again!

***Okay, Now The Bonus Round:
A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Answer:
He just has to open his mouth and ask...

-xoxo

Love you guys,

Jasmine

A woman's world

2006-03-15T01:43:00.000-08:00

Well?
Girls will be girls! ::wink::

~xoxo

Jasmine

Here are some reasons why people move to the South!

2006-03-06T04:20:00.000-08:00

Just some of the reasons why I love living in the warm tropical waters!

Stay warm everyone!

::hugs::

-xoxo

Jasmine

You poor guys!

2006-03-02T04:07:00.000-08:00

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands!

This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: May I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: What did I do wrong?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: May I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

SomeThings PMS Stands For:
* Pass My Shotgun
* Psychotic Mood Shift
* Perpetual Munching Spree
* Puffy Mid-Section
* People Make me Sick
* Provide Me with Sweets
* Pardon My Sobbing
* Pimples May Surface
* Pass My Sweatpants

I guess I am one of the lucky ones.
I truly do not suffer from PMS in this manner. I may get a little bloated and I do have cramps, but that is about it.
I do have several friends that do suffer, the same as the examples above (physically and mentally).
I don't know if I could live with myself if I had these symptoms...I am sorry for all of the gals (and men) that have to live with this.

::hugs and kisses to all::

-xoxo

Jasmine

My treasure chest

2006-02-27T03:36:00.000-08:00

There really is a treasure chest....see!

Captain, you can live in mine if you would like!

Some of the treasures I would like to have:
A new car....ideally an Audi A6
An engagement ring....I have been with my boyfriend 4 years
A house....I would love to have a home to call my own (instead of an apartment)

Ok, I don't want to seem pretentious.
I will tell you, that I am a lucky person and I don't have to have those things above, but they are things I would like to have.

I am grateful for the treasures I have:
All of you guys!!!!
My boyfriend
My family and friends
My kitties ~ Cody and Darbi
My health
My car (It is reliable, in pretty good shape and it is paid for ;) and it is kind of cute)
My apartment (it is in a nice neighborhood, and gives me the freedom of independence)
and generally my happiness

Tell me some of your treasures or some that you would like to have.

Love to you all,

-xoxo

Jasmine

Dealing with the burdens of life

2006-02-24T04:42:00.000-08:00

Here are some ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see them again, it was probably worth it.

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

* Never buy a car you can't push.

* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have
a leg to stand on.

* Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

* The second mouse gets the cheese.

* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one
person.

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

* We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

The art of paying attention!

2006-02-16T22:00:00.000-08:00

First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet School were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow.
They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them,
"In vet medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor:
The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body.
For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.
"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them,
"The second most important quality is observation.
I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger.
Now learn to pay attention."

:D

Have a great weekend everyone!

-xoxo

Jasmine

Just exploring today!

2006-02-12T22:00:00.000-08:00

I love shopping, I am just trying out my new fin , do you like it?
Random topic today....
Just put it out there, anything at all.

-xoxo

Jasmine

Just a little chilly!

2006-02-10T16:00:00.000-08:00

Aren't they beautiful? Their waters are a bit too cold for me!
I prefer warm tropical waters or even the water in the San Fracisco Bay!
I enjoy nude sunbathing too much to go to those artic waters.

Nevertheless, the polar bears are precious.

-xoxo

Jasmine

My music taste

2006-02-08T04:00:00.000-08:00

Your Musical Tastes Match: Nicole Kidman

See her whole playlist here (iTunes required)

What Celebrity Matches Your Taste in Music?

-xoxo
Jasmine

This is one of my stressful days!

2006-02-06T04:00:00.000-08:00

Now that is scary!!!!

-xoxo

Jasmine

Now that is an education!

2006-02-03T04:00:00.000-08:00

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem.

A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers, and then, there are educators.
Have a super weekend!

-xoxo

Jasmine

Fun with soap

2006-02-01T04:00:00.000-08:00

Look at these soaps I found.
Anyone in the mood for a bath?

These are soaps like me...mermaids! Want to soap up with a mermaid?

This one must be Calzone's soap...it is a dragon! Oh how cute!

This is JC's soap....they are his hands. Would you want to wash with Jesus' hands? A new meaning to cleansing with his prayers!

I have seen some unicorns around lately. I guess you would have to be careful of the horn when getting all sudsy!

Let's all take a sudsy, soapy hot bath! This is one of those occasions when I lose my fin! ;)

-xoxo

Jasy

A new form of art

2006-01-30T03:30:00.000-08:00

These pictures are amazing! The statues are built completely from cans.

Wow, someone built a mermaid! I feel so honored!

M&M's ~ looks like they are melting on the floor, not in the can! ;)

Lobster ~ ummm, one of my favorites!

Look how good they did with this King Cobra!

Oh, and of course, another King, King Kong!

What a beautiful flower!

A beautiful butterfly!

Hmmmm....looks like a space ship to me!

And, the rocket for Rocket man...blast off!

What an interesting form of art, these people are very talented. My question is what made someone decide to create in this fashion to begin with!

Hope you enjoyed viewing the art gallery!

-xoxo

Jasmine

Awwww, poor little things!

2006-01-26T22:41:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been this tired?
It has been a long week, I am ready for the weekend.
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

-xoxo

Jasmine

I was tagged!

2006-01-25T04:00:00.000-08:00

I was tagged by Flamingo, Captain Carl (although he sadly passed yesterday) and Ceri

Five weird things about me:

1. I open up oysters, steal the pearls and sew them to my fin.

2. I lose my fin every now and then ~ and sunbathe naked, among other things ;)
Yes, I am a normal girl when I lose the fin....ok, ok.....one quick look at me without my fin...

3. I don't like sushi as much as people think I do. I would rather have a juicy steak.

4. I practice holding my breath, 100 seconds at the bottom of the ocean then a flutter to the top, burst out of the water and hold my breath above water. (I am superb at treading water)

5. If you gently rub my left ear, I get all tingly and blush ;)

I would tag someone, but I don't know enough people here yet! Feel free to tell me five weird things about you.

~xoxo

Jaz

Fun stuff to know!

2006-01-22T22:05:00.000-08:00

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death!
(Creepy)(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home.. What the....?!")

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes...lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

The above statements have not been checked for validity, so if you know of any of these statements to not be true, please feel free to tell the real story!

~ xoxo Jasmine

A king????

2006-01-20T04:00:00.000-08:00

Mr. Romance? Poor little thing, he wore himself out!

King of Guinea pigs...haha!

Making a woman happy

2006-01-18T00:07:00.000-08:00

What else can be said? Men, is there anything else you need to be happy?

It's not difficult to make a woman happy.

A MAN ONLY NEEDS TO BE:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget: * birthdays * anniversaries * arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:
1. Show up naked
2. Bring food
3. Hand over the remote

The beginning of my adventures...

2006-01-17T14:54:00.000-08:00

So far my adventures here have been fun. I have met some very interesting people so far.

Mike... He is funny. I know his penis and how he showers! He gave me a nice welcome.
I look forward to learning more about him!

Justin... He likes rock and roll and taking pictures. He was nice and fished me out of the ocean. I wonder if he takes any underwater pictures!

AndyW... He likes rock and roll and he invited me to his pond. How nice of him. I will be swimming in his pond for sure.

Bill the apostle... Extremely good looking, but thinks I am weird. I am a good little mermaid, peace be with you.

Freethinker... So nice, said he is going to write something that I inspired. How cool. I think he could be inspirational to me.

Jesus Christ... He lost something, but I am sure he found it. I am glad his presence is here.

Dave Morris... Gave me warm and fuzzy welcome. He likes sushi. He is welcome here anytime:)

Jiggs Casey... He has some odd art. He is so cute, reminds me of Joey Lawrence. He wants people to feel his horn. OK :)

Calzone... Dragon that seems to be under a lot of stress. I remind him of his mom. Hem...wonder what his dad looks like. I think I can help him with that stress level ;)

With all of these wonderful encounters, I can hardly wait to meet more cool people.
I am off for more adventures!

::wiggles and giggles::

Hi, I am new in the neighborhood...

2006-01-16T15:59:00.000-08:00

Hello!
My name is Jasmine.

I am new in the neighborhood and I am searching for jewels.
If you leave a comment and I will swim over to see you. Maybe you can show me around and introduce me to others.

::wiggles and giggles::